Lonely Before Midnight is a Bad Place to Be

10:55 PM Edit This 0 Comments »
It's truly amazing to me how easy it is to feel lonely when you're surrounded by people. Some days, I feel like I would give anything to have someone around, ANYONE, and then when I have people around, I still can't shake the lonely. The people that are there are the ones I love, and cherish, and believe forever beside, but still I feel like I need to just go. Sadly, I know there's one place in particular I would go if there was nothing stopping me, and that makes me feel a little ashamed of myself. You ever think you really wanted something, and then convinced yourself you didn't, only to wake up 2 years later thinking... What would have happened if I had just taken the left hand turn instead???

Sometimes I feel like that. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not unhappy with anyone in my life, and I haven't fallen out of love with anyone if that's what this sounds like. I have simply become unhappy with my life in general, and have seem to have fallen out of love with myself. There was a time when I would make up stupid little songs just because it felt good to sing.. Completely nonsensical things, but dammit, they were funny, and made me smile. Now, I'm lucky if I'm singing along to the songs that already exist in the world. That makes me sad. I wonder what inside of me changed. What made me feel so different from myself. I sometimes think I should blame the friend. Someone who made me look at myself, and see what I didn't want to see. Usually, I feel grateful for this, but I've since learned that if you look far enough into your flaws, eventually, you can see nothing else. 

I don't know why I get this way some nights. There are people I want to meet and places I want to go, and ironically, all of those people I want to be around and talk to are guys. I cling to these men like they are the last people on the planet. Not in a sick romantic or sexual way, but in a rock of my world sort of way. Ironically, long distance friends have always been my constant. If you've never touched or talked to a person, you can't possibly know what your missing, and you can't possibly be sad. I'm 20 years old, and have hardly met the people I wanted to meet in my life... 

I have time, I guess.

Kaplan Sucks...

4:30 PM Edit This 2 Comments »
Today, I found that Kaplan University sucks. Now, you'd think that I would've figured this out earlier since I've been a student at the University of suck for almost a year, but it turns out, they save the really sucky stuff for when you try to LEAVE the school.

I decided to quit online school in April, and since then, I've been jumping through all the hoops to get started in the local community college. I took placement test, and have been to the Financial Aid office 3 or 4 times. Well, last time I was there, the lady that helped with my paperwork didn't tell me that the summer is based on the previous years financial aid information, so I didn't know to bring in my 2006 tax stuff. Basically, I've been sitting around waiting for an award letter to come in the mail, and it's not even the right letter for the summer. I don't mind.. I mean, I want to go to school in the fall, too, but it would have been nice to know BEFORE SUMMER STARTED. I don't know. 

Good news: If I get all the paperwork done now, I should have time to start before the fall ends. 

Bad news: Kaplan sucks. See, I didn't file taxes in 2006... Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up. It turns out, we made JUST over the limit that determines whether you're required to file or not. Well, Joe's mom claimed him that year. Which, like I said, it's not her fault, we didn't realize we were over. MY BAD... Well, this problem is just showing up now. Because I made so much (really not much) and didn't file, technically I can't get financial aid. I could always go back and file, and just count myself as an exemption, but I'd end up owing money. Here's where it gets sticky... I've been receiving financial aid through Kaplan since almost a year ago, and no, I didn't falsify any documents. I claimed every penny I made. Kaplan, however, turned around and changed my income amount for 10,000 to 0. The lady at the regular college told me that for profit schools are known for doing that. My family is telling me that I should call the IRS and report this falsification. I would, but that would probably turn around and I'd have to file, and then I'd owe money. 

What to do, what to do?
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